The Dating Game

09:45

Ok, I admit that I bad-mouth the whole online dating thing a lot, so I want to start with saying that not all guys on them are bad guys. Most of them are probably decent, genuine people with a lot to offer.
 However, you do always seem to come across what seems like the same duds over and over again. These can be, but are not limited to...
The topless, tattooed, selfie in the bathroom mirror guy
Basically a Neanderthal. Him Tarzan, you Jane...You get the picture.
The guy who hates everything
The picture-Them frowning at the camera or not even looking. No effort has gone into this picture.
The line-some version of 'is anyone on this site even remotely nice?'
Their whole profile looks angry and the main thing they talk about is everyone being miserable and unfriendly. What a catch!
The lad who loves a bit of banter
All of his (guy) mates think he's such a laugh. He's always up for some 'crazy shit' and has a load of ridiculous stories to tell you. Sure, he may be a funny guy to have a drink with but after some of those stories about Magaluf and Jagerbombs, you'll rethink the relationship. Who can really handle a guy who says 'lol' and 'bant' out loud, anyway? Not me.
The guy who has so many friends, you can't tell which one he is (and he isn't the hot one)
This is always a disappointing one. It starts off with so much potential. A picture of a load of cute people, having a great night out. You give it a click and all of the pictures are the same. Who is this stranger? Oh, wait, there is a single person...in fancy dress. Great, cheers. Next!
The vain guy
Another guy who looks like potential. Cute pic, nicely put together. You click on it to find that this guy is not dissimilar to the bathroom selfie guy. He may even have one as an extra picture. This guy is different though. This is not a Tarzan and Jane situation...in fact, it's more of a Jane and Jane thing, or at the very least, you're Tarzan. Too high maintenance-move on.
The hipster guy
Is he cute? You can't tell. You're blinded by his Photoshop wizardry and various Instagram filters. Not all of his pictures are of him anyway. They're of a great coffee break or an artistic scene. He's into cafes, irony and bands you've never heard of. He's a graphic designer or similar and wear clothes you really want to borrow. To be honest, he won't be the worst guy in the the world but if you're not a hipster yourself, don't even bother. You probably soon bore of his need to be cool. 
'Sorry dude, I actually like this t-shirt unironically! Deal with it.'
The bearded guy
Pure beard trickery going on here. Beards are fashionable and a lot of hot guys have them. You spot a guy with a good beard and sunglasses and you get excited, only to find out that they are the same unattractive, dull guy you saw before but in a hairy disguise. :(
The guy with unrealistic expectations
This guy most likely looks like an average guy but is pictured with a hot girl. You don't know who this girl is or how he got his picture with her, but you know that this is the benchmark in their head. This guy won't get laid until he's 40.
The old perverts
Self explanatory. Set the age rating asap.
The 'fun' guy
Usually quite scrawny and pictured in a 'fun' hat or feather boa. Next picture is usually at someone else's wedding where they're wearing an ill fitting suit. This guy will quite possibly be one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet but you're never going to fancy him. Nope.


I hope this has made you laugh and not dissuaded you from trying the whole online thing. It can be great and there are some awesome people on there. You just have to do a bit of filtering...
Wish me luck.
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